listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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