when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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