I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
