how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
