I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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