i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize