I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
