I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
