I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this just has baby written all over it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
