someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize