I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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