Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
