If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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