marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
