I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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