There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
