So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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