i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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