he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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