thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
