Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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