White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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