i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
