I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
