woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
