He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
