why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
