i was born a porn star she said
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
