I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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