I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize