Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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