don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
