I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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