no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
