i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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