Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize