I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
