I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
one might say we're banned from that church
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
