What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
