The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
