i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
