1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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