Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
