sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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