That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
