I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize