I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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