I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
