There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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