I love black thongs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
