She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
