you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
