Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
