I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
