Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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