he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
