He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize