Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
