Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize