Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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