Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
