its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
