I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
