Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
...so i touched it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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