I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
