he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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