Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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