I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
