She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
