This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
