oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
