Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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