he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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