We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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