So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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