We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
