just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
