Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the raccoons are back...
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