I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's blow job season.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
