I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
