Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's blow job season.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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