i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are we still banned from the library?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
