I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
