I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
