All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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