why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
