Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found your dick twin last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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