is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
