out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Are we still banned from the library?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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