so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize