Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
