Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
