guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
