We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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