The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Farmville is her only friend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
