i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
