Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I understand Curling. That high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
false alarm, still single
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
