Got a toothbrush?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
