the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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