well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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