Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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