how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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