We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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