Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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