I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
