also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
