I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
